no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
