That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
