I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
