you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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