It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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