Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
