it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
