How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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