There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
