Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
