Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
