Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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