there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
