did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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