I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So vagazzling was a success
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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