Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize