You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
