he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
