tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
