So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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