everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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