I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
