12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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