I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
