how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize