Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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