dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
