so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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