I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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