You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
