I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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