HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
