I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
is wine microwaveable?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize