Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
