I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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