No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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