if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
