you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
