my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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