You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
