Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
