I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
