You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
farters have to be the big spoon...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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