a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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