grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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