Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
