dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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