my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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