i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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