I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
