Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
