I can text with my tongue
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
