If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
