He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
