i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
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