dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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