i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
