My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
