Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
