Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
