When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
