If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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