My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
