I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize