i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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