I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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