Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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