sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
